This ongoing terror is hurting me!

Literally!

My name is Matilda and I live in Sweden. Clean, neutral and safe Sweden. Far far far away from the land of never ending battle. Battle for human rights. Battle for human life.

I have never experienced it. The terror, the exposure, the fear of unknowing. The never ending, constantly present fear of every single day.

I live far far away from the indescribable horror that is going on in Iraq, Syria and Nigeria right as we speak.

But I follow it closely in media. I read stories from the people who managed to flee, watch documentaries on jihadists who returned, read editorials from politicians who claim to have solutions. I cry to videos of people being beheaded and slaughtered like the were animals.

It is hurting me. Literally. Physically.

When I watch these cold blooded terror actions my breathing stops, my stomach turns and my eyes hurt. Question after question pops up: “Did I really see that?” “How can they do that?” “Is this really happening right now?” “What is going through the mind of these people?” “Where is their humanity?” And I pray.. God stop this, God save these suffering people, God make the jihadists turn around like you did with Paul. God.

I watch the terror with physical pain. Pain for these people. My people. The human beings in our world. My world. They are friends and families. My friends and family.

I am far far away. Helpless. What can I do?

Far far away. Here, I stand with all these suffering people. I think of you when I go to sleep, I’m sending out love and prayers to you when I got to work. I am hurting with you every single day.

Dear God, please stop this madness!

 

The change

And all of a sudden everything changes!

I’m sitting on my parents porch an early summer evening, doing my thing, writing, surfing the net. The sun has been shining for a while after a grey hour.

Then, in a second I can feel the air changing. The wind takes hold of the tree tops of the oaks in my neighbors’ garden and starts clenching on the marquis that I’m sitting under. It’s rough so I have to shorten it a bit and pull it towards the house. The sky is darkening as the clouds gathers and the sun is reversing back up towards space.

Then it manifests!

The low pitch, powerful, rumbling that appears as the sound of thunder.

It’s angry. It’s screaming to the whole neighborhood to watch out, get inside their houses and do anything BUT stand in the way of this mighty force that WILL do as it pleases.

I sit still.

No actually, first I’m saving everything that needs to be saved. Cover the computer and my notes, shorten the marquis, pull in the chairs.

THEN, I sit still. I sit and watch.

The flashes. Counting on the kilometers where it’s at.

The powerful bangs that comes in waves echoing for miles and miles.

The floods of rain that are pouring down from an open sky, right above my head.

I sit and watch the majestic power struggle going on in the grand space up there.

The power of the heavens is one of the wonders that makes me feel really small and puts me into place as a human being.

Small, feckless, but not insignificant. No. The power of the heavens, with the wind, thunder and the pouring rain is one of the things that make me feel more alive than anything else.

Alive, important, living, breathing, blessed, grateful.

To experience the power of something that I have no, whatsoever, influence on and can not change in any way, does put me in my place.

I am, in fact, a human being with limited powers, a small human being. But I DO have the capability of rejoicing in the divine forces of this earth.

That’s why I sit, watch and listen.

And after a while, the storm is over and the sun comes out again..

Om min kyrka..

Min kyrka är inget spaceigt, flummigt hus.

Människor i min kyrka pratar inte konstigt och obegripligt.

Min pastor har ingen hatt som gör honom extra upphöjd inför Gud.

Min kyrka är en grupp av enkla människor som träffas i ett hus med ett kors på.

Min kyrka är en öppen plats där varje människa får vara som hen är.

I min kyrka gör människor fel och vågar vara operfekta!

Jesus kallade väldigt operfekta människor..

..dom hänger i min kyrka..

..med en ärlig längtan och stora hjärtan!!!

“En kyrkas ansikte är en syndares ansikte”
Martin Luther King

About being blessed..

My head is full of so many dreams, longings and thoughts!

There are so many possibilities. Places to go, phenomenons to see and people to meet. Everysingle day I get even more overwhelmed with all there is, all that I can do with my ife.

Many times it comes to the point where I get restless, stressed, bummed that I’m where i am, craving to run along on the next adventure. Towards the next discovery.

But let me tell you something. I have a new strategy. One that really helps.

When the stress comes over me and the longing gets just alittle bit too hard to bear. Close to a freakout.

Thats when i walk down memory lane!

In my case this particular evening, that lane was facebook (yes, sometimes it CAN be a blessing!)

Memory lane for me, means looking at all the pictures I ahve from my adventures. I’m not lying when I say I have thousands of pictures. Whoever knows me, can confrim that.

So this particular night, scrolling down the gathering of endless photos taken of; sites seen, people met, cuntries visited, lessons learned, works done, faileurs survived, challenges performed, roles played and lived, fears overcome, longings met, dreams fulfilled and restarted, moments shared, friends won and lost, happiness and sadness experiences, lost and shared in all kinds of situations, countries and groups of friends.

This night, this special moment, there is not a single doubt in my mind that I am more that truly blessed!

So far i have had an amazing life, with amazing experiences.

It hasn’t always been easy and very seldom straight forward, and even though I have banged my head against the wall in despair more than I wish for anyone..

..on this particular night, i have to say it once again.

I am soo blessed!

So greatful!

I still have many dreams and hopes and a whole bunch of winding roads yet to walk. The story doesn’t end here.

But at this exact moment I am so thankful for my life!

And thats a pretty damn good place to start the rest of my journey!!!